


France makes a cook book

by Jebible



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Crack, Funny, Gen, bad grammar on purpose, france has a cook book
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-13
Updated: 2020-08-13
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:48:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25878424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jebible/pseuds/Jebible
Summary: france makes a cook book... where did it go wrong?!?!?!
Kudos: 3





	France makes a cook book

cardi b yea yea yea.

France was really bored one day so he decided to start a cook book. The first section was all about bread. The recipie read. 

I am slowly going insane! W. Place yeast into the bottom of a large mixing 🎳 ➕ stir with 🌊; mix in 🧂. Beat flour into yeast mixture with a wooden 🥄 until dough is thick ➕ sticky ➕ pulls flour from the side of the 🎳, 5️⃣ to 🔟 minutes.  
📔 🎳 with cling 🎞️ ➕ let rise in a turned-off oven until doubled in size, 1️⃣2️⃣ to 1️⃣4️⃣ hours. Dough will be bubbly ➕ ❗️ sticky.  
Place a silicone baking mat onto a baking 📤️ ➕ dust generously with cornmeal.  
Use a floured spatula to scrape dough out onto a well-floured ⚙️ surface ➕ dust dough with flour. With well-floured ✋, pat dough into a rectangle ➕ ✂️ into 4️⃣ equal-size pieces.  
Dust a 🧩 of dough with flour ➕ use your floured 👆️ to gently roll ➕ stretch it out into a log about 2️⃣5️⃣cm (🔟 in) long ➕ 4️⃣cm (1️⃣ 1️⃣/2️⃣ in) around. Gently transfer to prepared baking 📤️. 🔁 with another 🧩 of dough. (Reserve remaining dough to bake later or prepare 2️⃣ baking 📤️ to bake all 4️⃣ at 🔂). Dust loaves 💡 with flour. Dust a large 🧩 of cling 🎞️ with flour ➕ drape 💡 over the baking 📤️ with floured side ⬇️.  
Let loaves rise, 📔, until doubled, 1️⃣ to 1️⃣ 1️⃣/2️⃣ hours.  
Move oven racks to the bottom ➕ middle positions. Preheat oven to 2️⃣6️⃣0️⃣ C / ⛽️ 🔟 or as high as your oven will ➡️. Place an oven-safe baking 📡 🌝 of 🌊 into bottom rack of the oven.  
Use a 📌🗡️ kitchen ✂️ ✂️ 4️⃣ or 5️⃣ angled slashes into the 🔝 of each 🍞. Poke ⬇️ the little 📌🗡️ tips of dough ⬅️ by the ✂️. Spray loaves with 🌊, using a spray 🍾.  
Bake in the preheated oven until baguettes are browned, about 1️⃣5️⃣ minutes, spraying loaves with 🌊 after 5️⃣ minutes ➕ 🔟 minutes. Turn the 📤️ around on the 🥈 spraying.  
Transfer baguettes to a 🆒 rack ➕ let 🆒 to room 🌡️ before 🍰 with a serrated 🔪.

He was so so proud of it he just published the book without even thinking about what else to add!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
So he went to get his book published and therefore got it published. It was such a best seller it became part of the new york times best seller.!!! But then he realised he had to name the book. He named it " Freaky France's Fantastic Fcook Fbook." really cool right1?

One day england was at w h smith and he saw Freaky France's Fantastic Fcook Fbook and decided to try it out!!! he went home and got all the ingredents and then he followed the steps. The emojis were very very very ver yv very ver yver yver very helpful!! so helpful to the point where he was able to Make the bread look so cool!!! but there was one issue. Someone had to taste test it!! So he bought in Canada to taste test the bread because he doesnt care about if canda dies or not so yea. He cut the braed and gvae it to canada and canada treid the bread. It was nice at first said canda but then he dropped to the floor and died. England was shook! like shook shook!! England turned around and looked at the ingredents that were on the table. He realised he had accidently switched the milk for rat poision and bleach!!! F in the chat. Cries*" so sad. Oh well! england did not like canda anyways and decided he wanted money from this and then sued freaky france. 

AT THE COURT  
\---------------------------------------------------------------

At the court , the judge was italy! italy from north italy! italy who is just a puppet being controlled by the goverment! 

England said " I am here to present my evident.ce and handed over his recipeie book. "  
Italy laughed and said xD lol!  
France said " I OBJECT" AND SAID HIS SPEECH. "Allons enfants de la Patrie  
Le jour de gloire est arrivé !  
Contre nous de la tyrannie  
L'étendard sanglant est levé  
Entendez-vous dans nos campagnes  
Mugir ces féroces soldats?  
Ils viennent jusque dans vos bras.  
Égorger vos fils, vos compagnes!  
Aux armes citoyens  
Formez vos bataillons  
Marchons, marchons  
Qu'un sang impur  
Abreuve nos sillons  
Que veut cette horde d'esclaves  
De traîtres, de rois conjurés?  
Pour qui ces ignobles entraves  
Ces fers dès longtemps préparés?  
Français, pour nous, ah! quel outrage  
Quels transports il doit exciter?  
C'est nous qu'on ose méditer  
De rendre à l'antique esclavage!  
Quoi ces cohortes étrangères!  
Feraient la loi dans nos foyers!  
Quoi! ces phalanges mercenaires  
Terrasseraient nos fils guerriers!  
Grand Dieu! par des mains enchaînées  
Nos fronts sous le joug se ploieraient  
De vils despotes deviendraient  
Les maîtres des destinées.  
Tremblez, tyrans et vous perfides  
L'opprobre de tous les partis  
Tremblez! vos projets parricides  
Vont enfin recevoir leurs prix!  
Tout est soldat pour vous combattre  
S'ils tombent, nos jeunes héros  
La France en produit de nouveaux,  
Contre vous tout prêts à se battre.  
Français, en guerriers magnanimes  
Portez ou retenez vos coups!  
Épargnez ces tristes victimes  
À regret s'armant contre nous  
Mais ces despotes sanguinaires  
Mais ces complices de Bouillé  
Tous ces tigres qui, sans pitié  
Déchirent le sein de leur mère!  
Nous entrerons dans la carrière  
Quand nos aînés n'y seront plus  
Nous y trouverons leur poussière  
Et la trace de leurs vertus  
Bien moins jaloux de leur survivre  
Que de partager leur cercueil  
Nous aurons le sublime orgueil  
De les venger ou de les suivre!  
Amour sacré de la Patrie  
Conduis, soutiens nos bras vengeurs  
Liberté, Liberté chérie  
Combats avec tes défenseurs!  
Sous nos drapeaux, que la victoire  
Accoure à tes mâles accents  
Que tes ennemis expirants  
Voient ton triomphe et notre gloire!"

everyone was left speechles. crying and almsot in tears. england was found guilty of mansaughter and then was sent to jail. Jail story coming soon!?!?!


End file.
